JAMES THE APOSTLE

When he was a little little child, he was growing bit by bit, growing taller, growing bigger, growing stronger, and he would grip his mother’s finger; yes, but now he’s grown older, he’s a little older, he’s grown bigger, he’s a taller young man, a stronger young man, he’s a dreamer and a fisherman, he catches fish, bigger fish, stronger fish, he likes to be fishing, to be stronger, to be bigger; and he is a dreamer and he’s made a giant in his dreams, he’s made to be bigger, bigger than all the earth in his dreams, and he wanders about the face of the earth when he’s dreaming, being the dreamer, being bigger and taller than anything, being greater and stronger than anything, and he knows in his dreams what it is to be bigger, stronger, taller, meaner, crueler than anything in the world.

And so we have a bigger man, a taller man, a meaner man, a crueler man, a fisherman, a younger man; yes, we have this man, but he doesn’t yet have a mission; we have made this man, but he doesn’t yet have a passion; he is full up with mystery, the mystery of being a dreamer, of being big in his dreams, being tall in his dreams, being a giant in his dreams, being cruel in his dreams, being mean in his dreams; and so we must set this giant next to one even bigger, taller, a bigger and taller giant, one ever bigger and taller and stronger; and perhaps he will be smitten by him, perhaps he will fall in love with him and follow him (for he will love that which is ever bigger and taller and stronger); yes perhaps he will be smitten and will follow the giant we shall give him, for this is all about this dreamer, this bigger and taller dreamer; it’s not for sake of the man he will follow, it’s not for sake of the world that we shall send this giant down onto the earth, it’s not for sake of the bigger or the smaller angels, the bigger or the smaller men, the bigger or the smaller animals, the bigger or the smaller spirits that we shall send Jesus to the earth: it is all for sake of James, son of Zebedee, that we may give him a mission, that we may give him a passion, that he may be even bigger and taller, that he may catch fish bigger, smaller, crueler, lovelier, greater, humbler, that he may catch all these and more, that he may cast his net out wider, that he may cast his net out farther and broader, that he may have a passion in his life and a mission in his life: it is for him that we sent the giant down to earth, the god Jesus, that one even bigger, that one even taller, that one even stronger; it is all for sake of James, son of Zebedee, that he may have a grander mission, that he may have a greater passion, that he may be more immortal, that he may be greater.

And so now he has a mission, now he has a passion; and he’s one of twelve, one among the bigger men, the taller men, the humbler men, the greater men, the poorer men in body, the richer men in spirit, the thinner men in body, the stronger men in spirit; yes now he’s among the twelve, among the twelve giants; and these twelve giants go all about the land, casting their nets across the land; they cast their nets wider and broader, they cast them farther and longer, and they pull in men of every sort into their nets, they pull in women of every sort into their nets, but mostly the poorer men and women, mostly the humbler men and women, mostly the sinner, mostly the robber and the blasphemer comes to their nets; and they go all about the land pulling in men and women, the bakers the bricklayers, the hunters, the wanderers, the wayfarers, the eaters of meat and the eaters of vegetables, the gamblers, the cheaters, the adulterers, all these they pull in with their nets—but it is not for sake of all these that we sent this Jesus to the earth, it is not for sake of anyone but James, son of Zebedee, whom we loved, and who we wanted to see grow bigger, taller, stronger, greater than ever before; and so we sent him a mission, and so we sent him a passion; and so his mission goes on longer, and so his passion burns stronger, and he is a great one, he is changed, he is turned toward God and goodness, he can be mean, he can be cruel, but he’s greater, he’s stronger, he’s taller, and he fishes for the great fish and the humble fish, the poor fish and the rich fish, and always always he’s growing bigger and stronger and taller and greater; and we wanted to see this, we wanted to see him increase with age beautifully, to flower and blossom with beauty, and so we sent him a mission, and so we sent him a passion, and always always he keeps growing bigger and taller, always always he’s a dreamer, always always he shall be greater and greater; and he’s not a painter, he’s not a writer, he’s not a sculptor, but he’s greater than any painter, writer, sculptor, more immortal, more passionate; and we see our plan to make him lovelier has succeeded.

He is taller. He is stronger. He is bigger. He is greater. He saves the sinner. He saves the blasphemer. He reaches out to the bricklayer and the baker and the wanderer and the wayfarer. He reaches out to the soldier and the tax collector. This isn’t for their sake. This is for his sake, that he may have a mission, that he may have a passion. For we sent him someone bigger, taller, stronger, greater, the god Jesus; yes, Jesus went to him to make his life greater; it is all for his glory. We have made him a dreamer. In his dreams which he doesn’t remember, we secretly whisper to him that all this was done for his sake, that Jesus was sent to him for his sake, Jesus whom he loves, Jesus who has smitten him; for it was for James’s sake that we sent this god to earth, to give him a mission, to give him a passion, to make him bigger and taller and greater, to make him more beautiful and more powerful, to fill his nightly dreams with glory, for he is a dreamer like none other is a dreamer, he is greater like none other is greater.

But when his love is dead, he is poorer, he is meaner, he is crueler; and he is not so lovely anymore. When his love is dead this is the most beautiful part of his mission, of his passion. For now he is meaner, bitterer, more fervent, more powerful; now he’s full of fire, his heart overflows with fire. Now he’s greater, and he’s still a dreamer, he’s always a dreamer, and he dreams he’s a giant still, he dreams of being bigger and taller. But he’s meaner and crueler now, and now is the most beautiful part of his life, for now we get to see him suffer, and see his beauty as he suffers. And so he goes on, forever being suffering; and we see him go on with his suffering; and he’s a lovely one to see suffer, because he gets bitter; and we love to see him bitter; if only he could know he was the object of our love so, and we could tell him we sent Jesus for his sake alone; but we suppose if we told him he would suffer and die, yes he would suffer and die; yes and we adore him and we adore him and we adore him.