The sun went down just four hours after I woke up today. I drank two Mountain Dews and began to feel sick and exhausted. I lay down on my unmade bed and shut my eyes as the sun went down and it got dark outside. I hadn't bothered to turn off the radio and now it was annoying me, playing bad song after bad song, going through all sorts of commercials and chitchat. I felt sick to my stomach & drowsy, as if my antipsychotic medications were a fog of tranquilizing weight pulling my mind into a stupor, coupled with the queasy feeling I had from all the soda. The fan was blowing air inside from my window where it was dark now, as I let the radio go on annoying me, still too lazy to shut it off, heard car doors slamming shut outside, people walking by my window, perhaps peeking in at the form in the garden-level apartment scratching his balls on the bed with the blinds up and the lights on. I don't know what my neighbors think of this guy who is in his apartment every time they walk by, who never leaves, who sits around all day in his pajamas scratching himself for everyone to see. How does he eat? How does he make the rent? They don't know and I don't even know anymore; I know working is for chumps and I don't work; I know no one would hire a guy anyway who hasn't worked a full quarter since 1989. I lay there thinking, "Everything is so bare and naked right now; yes, this is pure suffering, naked suffering; there is nothing hiding it or insulating me from it; this is raw suffering." Finally I got up. Maybe another Mountain Dew will get rid of this fatigue.